Patience is the key. (RA)
Many times in spiritual life you want to chuck the whole thing out, you want to throw it away. You feel it's not working for you. You think it's a lie it doesn't exist there is no spiritual life, everyone's gone through this stage. It's called the dark night of the soul. When you feel like committing suicide. You feel so terrible. All the dark forces attack you from all directions. And you want to chuck it all out, throw it all away, forget about it. But as you hold on to something within in reality, a spark of light the darkness will ultimately leave you and again you will find peace. Again you will find harmony. And again something may happen to you. You may develop cancer, AIDS. You may have to go into bankruptcy. So again you say to yourself, "If this is what spiritual life is all about I don't want it at all. I don't need this." You say this because you do not know what is happening. In order for you to grow and become your real self all of the stuff that has been inside of you has to be totally transcended. All the stuff that is in us and we have a lot of stuff in us. There is stuff completely to the top. There is stuff of images, beliefs, concepts, dogma, fears doubts, suspicions this is our stuffing. In order to empty yourself it may appear that you're getting worse. The fears multiply themselves. The doubts become more terrible than they've ever been before. This is the change that is coming into your life. In other words if you want self-realization you've got to get rid of everything.